Christmas Time Is Here

It's the time of the year again when you cannot help but reflect upon your past and wonder where the heck did the year go? This never means that everything was ever so peachy keen but it does reveal something about yourself in how you perceived the year.

So much has happened for me it's hard to imagine and even more is to come next year. I look forward to the year as much as I question the upcoming events. I worry sometimes about my life and the issues coming at hand. I cannot help but wonder about my future with everything that has occurred but it could just be the first year. Life is rough, nothing is easy, but a bit more would not be a bad thing. I need to find that calm, that center that I used to have. I have not truly been myself in so long I believe I forgot who I was. In the midst of all that I met someone and married them. Regret ensued...

Being on hiatus is such a personal and particular thing to describe I will leave it to my mind alone, but it does have me wondering much on the subject. I do not dread the future, but wonder the outcome with such interesting potential. I wonder about the differences we have and how others manage. Perhaps it is just the time that we are in with everything being so busy and life just more than what I want it to be right now. I said I would wait but I did not and this is where the multiple personality problem comes in. I am a student, I'm still in school, and frankly not ready for responsibility of this magnitude but I'm dealing. *sigh*

There has been a saving grace with a recent appearance of an old essence that I had believed had gone on hiatus as well but it is alive and well. Time and patience is the making of a great man and I have neither but I am developing. TO possible die tomorrow eliminates the time and patience but to know that all is still well in His hands helps. It is the winter, dolphinus is high in the sky, allowing anything to be possible.

"And so this is Christmas" and we should only be talking about the good things in life. I look forward to this time and the end of year, to start a new. It is almost as I wait for it because there is not other time to begin. A new beginning, a life on my own although still a student. Adaptation is almost complete, just a bit longer. It is what it is and we must accept that.

Still, what is to come? I eagerly await the summer to see which side reveals itself in the end and what outcomes may occur. Nothing is certain and my history shows that anything is possible, but there is a timing that sometimes must be waited for.

_nate c.